Ten Things I've Noticed About Turkey (Türkiye)

1. Turkish people are inherently curious. For instance, they will go out of their way to see what you’re doing on your laptop. This includes purposely sitting behind you to get a better view, walking up beside you and leaning over the top of your laptop screen and pretending to stretch and yawn to get a look at what you’re up to. They will then proceed to discuss what you’re doing with other people around them as if you weren’t even there. I assume this inherent curiosity helps explain the expansionism of the Ottoman Empire. Those weren’t really invading armies but rather large, roving bands of Turks who were curious about the Balkans, Central/Eastern Europe and the rest of the Middle East – “Hey, let’s go see what those guys are up to!” Oh, and they just happened to be armed. Heavily.

2. You’ll never be able to tell a Turk’s age. The combination of chain smoking, hair, prolonged exposure to the sun and pollution (if in Istanbul or Ankara) makes this an impossible task. Furthermore, as Gülçe once pointed out to me, Turkish men look like they’re 40 the second they hit puberty. This is a clear exaggeration but for some people it’s disturbingly on point. For instance, I have two students in my beginner basic class that look like they’re pushing 40 even though they’re probably only in their early twenties. On the other hand, a small minority of students is perpetually baby-faced.

3. Turkish driving is both terrifying and inventive. The terrifying part comes from a complete disregard for all safety regulations and traffic laws, as well as a national embrace of all the “Fast and Furious” movies (Turks don’t even need a curve to “drift”). The inventive part is a bit more amusing, although no less dangerous by any means. Examples include my taxi driver using the tram tracks in Istanbul as a short cut to my hostel; driving backwards; and speeding up when pedestrians are crossing the road in front of you. I didn’t really believe Gülçe when she told me that people will drive backwards until less than 5 minutes after she explained it a taxi driver passed us in reverse. I haven’t quite determined in what instance driving backwards is superior to driving forward but I’ll continue my research in hopes of finding the answer. Finally, when crossing the street, you’re likely to hear a revving engine. I’m not sure if people are trying to run me over because I’m a foreigner or because I’ve dared to actually cross the street a quarter of a mile down the road from them.

4. There is a certain Turkish subculture that glorifies the mullet and the Jersey Shore. They’re generally young men of questionable worth and intelligence who travel in packs and, I suspect, use the Turkish equivalents of “Huh-huh, duuude” and “That’s what she said.” Gülçe told me what they’re called in Turkish (karpaçi?) and explained that they are like men from the Jersey Shore, complete with their own version of fist-pump dancing. They enjoy congregating on street corners and around their “pimped” rides trying desperately to strike poses fit for an Abercrombie ad campaign and stare you down with so much malice (see #7).

5. Turkish weddings generate more noise than Manhattan on a Saturday night. It’s not just the 200 people that show up or the music that violates even the most liberal noise ordinances, but it’s really the car horn honking. I hate the sound of a ringing phone and a car horn honking, and the tradition seems to be for the bride and groom to parade around town in a procession of cars, all of which honk their horns over and over and over again. This can continue up to midnight right outside your hotel, because it’s important to let people know at 11:59 PM someone you don’t know or care about has been married.

6. Turks congregate in herds. Whether it’s on the sidewalk or street corner, you have an 80% chance to find a grouping of no less than 4 people strategically placed to block your way. Even if they aren’t engaged in conversation or otherwise distracted, they will make no move to get out of your way. Instead they will stare you down (see below). You will inevitably be forced to divert into the street to go around them, at which point in time you subject yourself to #3. Along the same lines, most old Turkish women have grown eyes in the back of their head so that they can bob and weave along the sidewalk in such a way that they’ll block every move you make to pass them. Again, you’re forced into the street and again you’re subjected to #3.

7. People will stare you down like you’ve committed heinous crimes against humanity. If you’re accustomed to the warm smiling faces of sub-Saharan Africa or the American South then just forget about it. You won’t find it in Turkey. What you will find is that everyone is more than willing to stare you down. It might be because you’re a foreigner that people are willing to let their gaze linger but it’s more likely part of male machismo and the need to look tough because, according to Gülçe, “there’s nothing better to do around here than try to act tough.” If you can manage to actually form some sort of relationship with a Turk then you’re golden – all that staring goes out the window and suddenly you’re like family. But until you can crack that cold, hard exterior then expect to be looked at like everyone’s worst enemy.

8. Tea goes with everything. You WILL drink tea with everything. The Turkish nation is powered by caffeine. Occasionally, tea will be replaced with coffee but for the most part you’ll be drinking çay (tea). Some like it sweet, some like it hot. But if you don’t like it at all, then you’d better go somewhere else. You cannot refuse it. I’ve had it so often that I’ve managed to develop my own strong preference: four cubes of sugar and a small wedge of lemon. This presents somewhat of a problem for me since they usually only bring you two cubes of sugar if it isn’t sitting out and free on the table, so I have to mangle the pronunciation for sugar (seker), which is mostly me yelling “SHAKER, SHAKER, SHAKER” and pointing at the sugar cubes.

9. Turkish people are a commercial people. Istanbul has a strong maritime trade tradition, but the commercial culture extends to the rest of the country, as well. You’ll never see so many shops in all your life. They’re everywhere, and they sell everything. Every main thoroughfare is completely lined with shops. Fruits, vegetables, home appliances, restaurants, pastry shops, candy shops, furniture stores, department stores, clothing stores… On and on it goes! Even in Gümüshane it feels like there’s one shop for every 10 people. Maybe it feels overwhelming because they’re so condensed into commercial districts but I’d swear Turkey has the highest store to population ratio anywhere!

10. Turkish people are incredibly ethnocentric. Today in class, a student argued with me that the two main languages of Iraq were not Arabic and Kurdish but rather Arabic and Turkish. The students also reported that Turkish was a significant enough language in Germany, Belgium, Iran and Syria that it should also be listed in addition to the native languages. Turkey should also be listed amongst Western European countries because it’s European, but it should also be listed amongst Middle Eastern countries because it belongs there, too. Also, you should include it with Asia, too, because Anatolia is in Asia. Oh, and if you’re listing North American countries then also put Turkey down because they’re friends with the US and Canada. Basically, if there’s a list then you need to include Turkey, okay? It’s important.